I am so happy that I survived Tokyo, you just don’t know. >.< As much as I love Japan, Tokyo gives me anxiety like no other! In fact, it was in Kichijoji where I had my first adult panic attack. It was so scary mostly because I had no idea what was going on. I’d lost vocabulary in both languages, English and Japanese, and remember fussing at myself in my head for being rude as well as crying in public (that’s a huge NO-NO) for me. At any rate it wasn’t until long after my trip that I’d learned that I have had anxiety all of my life. In fact, I used to suffer from panic attacks even before my age of understanding. Whoah! That’s crazy!!! Unfortunately, my mom never told me about this part of my life. She says that I worked out of it naturally, which probably explains why I like safe places and spaces (especially corners) and am at my best with repetitive actions. As I walked around Kichijoji the other day on my way to the shop, I came to some of the very spots where my panic attack took place. I became a tad anxious as my mind flashed back, but something calming happened instead of more boosted anxiety. I started remembering my big brother and his (now) fiancé’s smiles as they introduced me to new things during our time spent in Kichijoji. Here’s some VERY random reflection on that comforting feeling I had. I have felt it before when I’ve revisited places and spaces that I have visited while in dark spaces (← that’s how I referred to my anxiety experiences before I understood that it was just anxiety >.<) and experienced some type of resolve.
Here are some truly wonderful and magical things I remember about my time in Kichijoji. It is a mash-up of things from hanging out with Passo-kun (my big brother) and Masami-chan (or M-chan, my language exchange friend).
The Cat cafe that M-chan and I wanted to visit … until we saw the price for petting cats and eating food >.< We aborted that mission so fast! ((;__;))
Red Bunny Tattoo! We were going to stop by and show my portfolio. I wanted nothing more than to meet one of my favorite artists, Akatsuki (she has some beautifully delicate tattoo work and so versatile with her style) … but NOT with red puffy eyes and a sh*t vocabulary, NOPE! I passed and opted to wait until the opportunity presents itself again.
(☝︎)Bruh! I stopped playing Animal Crossing because the characters yelled at me for being away for a couple of weeks. I have a life … a real one. I get yelled at sometimes, but I will NOT take such abuse from a 2D figure. *kicks gotcha gotcha* hahahahaha
(☟) I used to sing along with the songs from Miitsuketa when I started learning Japanese. ^^ Judge all you want, it’s easy Japanese and helped a great deal with pronunciation and basic vocabulary. <3
Bubbling blowing at Inokashira Park. This park is huge and a famous park tucked away in Kichijoji. It’s not too far from Ghbili Museum and the zoo!
YES! I went and YES, I’ll share more about that later. <3
Thuggin’ it with these two, Passo-kun and Marie. <3 <3 <3
Somewhere not too long after this photo is when panic attacked. >.<
I excused myself and wandered around a bit. Peko-chan made me feel so much better. lol
This trip, I literally worked so close to Kichijoji Art Museum and STILL had no time to go. One day though~
Becoming one with my animal people. Seems pretty safe there … I wonder if they’d accept me 😀
Regrouped as best I could and met up with Passo-kun and Marie for more wandering around Kichijoji. We found ourself at the park on a random paddle boat ride.
My speaking still hadn’t returned but these goofballs made me smile and start coming back to reality. You can’t keep scrolling and tell me you didn’t chuckle. LOL
(☝︎) He makes paddling look so cool~
(☟) Marie said it was hard work. Gambatte Marie!!!
Our fishy friends stopped by and cheered me on as we switched for my turn to row. That Sh**t’s hhaaarrrdddddd >>.<<
Truthfully, looking at all of these beautiful moments make me sad that part of me missed them. The perception was completely different from my reality. While I am not too sure why, other than travel and new experience overload, I am truly thankful that I can be comforted by the beautiful sights and sounds this trip. <3
I have a ton of updating to do, but trust that there will be plenty more pics shared from my time in Kichijoji these past weeks. From now, it’s all love!